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Displaying posts with tag: humor (reset)
Tales of the Trade #6: Percona Live 2013

Y Gatorz are Considering Moving Back to a Gator Farm Instead of MapReducing the World

NSFW (audio) “…pipe your data to /dev/null – it will be very fast.” “Does /dev/null support sharding?” NSFW (audio) “…the only thing constructive we could have used their source files for was as random keys for SSL certs.” NSFW (audio) “PHP reeks … Continue reading →

You know you've been doing too much SQL when...'re traveling on family holiday, and each time you wish to suggest you should check up on the tourist information center, you repeatedly come up with: "Let's ask at the INFORMATION_SCHEMA and see what we can get".

Also, doing so while wearing an OpenSQL Camp T-shirt doesn't help.

Tales of the trade #5: How to author a super successful MySQL blog

Check out the following tutorial that teaches you how to become a popular MySQL blog author:

Complete strip: tales-of-the-trade-make-your-mysql-blog-popular-full.png

Tech Messages | 2011-03-07

A special extended edition of Tech Messages for 2011-02-10 through 2011-03-07:

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What are your favorite MySQL bug reports?

Bug reports can be fun. They can also be terrible. Either way they can be entertaining. On the Drizzle IRC channel today I saw a couple references to MySQL bug reports: it is stop working and Does not make toast (which reminds me of the Mozilla bug report about the kitchen sink). Got any other favourites1?

1 This one’s for Jay.

Related posts:

  1. What are your favorite MySQL replication filtering rules?
  2. My new favorite comic: The Adventures of …
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Tales of the Trade #4: new home for the MySQL dolphins

Breaking news: SHOW INNODB STATUS ported to XML

If you’re like me, you’ve gotten tired of writing endless test cases for parsers that can understand the thousands of variations of text output by SHOW INNODB STATUS. I’ve decided to solve this issue once and for all by patching MySQL and InnoDB to output XML, the universal markup format, so tools can understand and manipulate it easily. Here’s a sample snippet:

... text omitted, but you get the idea ...

PS: Yes, this is a late April Fool’s joke.

Related posts:

  1. Don’t forget about SHOW PROFILES It seems t
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Tales of the Trade #3: MySQL vs. NoSQL

Apparently the message from the comic below was not well conceived.

Following the strip I’ve added some spoiler notes.

This is not about bashing NoSQL. Apparently some people feel this way.

This is about:

  • Trying to judge/analyze NoSQL as if it were a single entity, thereby asking “should I use MySQL or NoSQL”?
  • The fact Wikipedia defines NoSQL as a “movement” (who’s the leader?)
  • The fact that people are still arguing on how “MySQL” should be pronounced.
4 ways that instrumentation is like sex

In an application such as a database server, instrumentation is like sex: it’s not enough to know how often things happen. You also care about how long they took, and in many cases you want to know how big they were.

“Things” are the things you want to optimize. Want to optimize queries? Then you need to know what activities that query causes to happen. Most systems have at least some of this kind of instrumentation. If you look around at… let’s not pick on the usual targets… oh, say Sphinx, Redis, and memcached. What metrics do they provide? They provide counters that say how often various things happened. (Most of these systems provide very few and coarse-grained counters.) That’s not very helpful. So I read from disk N times, and I read from memory N times, and I compared rows N times… so what? I still don’t know anything relevant to execution time.

That’s why we need to measure how long things took. It’d be …

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