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Displaying posts with tag: humor (reset)
Log Buffer #182, a Carnival of the Vanities for DBAs

This is the 182nd edition of Log Buffer, the weekly review of database blogs. Make sure to read the whole edition so you do not miss where to submit your SQL limerick!

This week started out with me posting about International Women’s Day, and has me personally attending Confoo (Montreal) which is an excellent conference I hope to return to next year. I learned a lot from confoo, especially the blending nosql and sql session I attended.

This week was also the Hotsos Symposium. …

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Tales of the Trade #2: The Oracle-Sun deal
I’m a Postgres user, as it turns out

Someone recently posted this to an email list as a sample of an interesting SHOW INNODB STATUS output:

mysql> SHOW ENGINE INNODB STATUS\G
          _______  _______
|\     /|(  ____ \(  ____ \
| )   ( || (    \/| (    \/
| |   | || (_____ | (__
| |   | |(_____  )|  __)
| |   | |      ) || (
| (___) |/\____) || (____/\
(_______)\_______)(_______/

 _______  _______  _______ _________ _______  _______  _______  _______
(  ____ )(  ___  )(  ____ \\__   __/(  ____ \(  ____ )(  ____ \(  ____ \
| (    )|| (   ) || (    \/   ) (   | (    \/| (    )|| (    \/| (    \/
| (____)|| |   | || (_____    | |   | |      | (____)|| (__    | (_____
|  _____)| |   | |(_____  )   | |   | | ____ |     __)|  __)   (_____  )
| (      | |   | |      ) |   | |   | | \_  )| (\ (   | (            ) |
| )      | (___) |/\____) |   | |   | (___) || ) \ \__| (____/\/\____) |
|/       (_______)\_______)   )_(   (_______)|/   \__/(_______/\_______) 

I thought it was …

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How MySQL really executes a query

WARNING: nearly every word of this post is intentionally false. This is an April Fool’s joke.

There is so much misinformation out there about how MySQL works. If you’ve talked to someone from PostgreSQL, you’ve surely heard some of it: “MySQL doesn’t even have transactions,” for example. And this from a PostgreSQL user, who uses a database that doesn’t even run on Windows.

But even within the ranks of people who supposedly know MySQL’s workings, lots of people just get things dead wrong. I wanted to set the record straight here, so I thought I would give a little walk-through of how MySQL executes a query.

Let’s see it in action from start to finish.

SELECT SQL_NO_CACHE COUNT(col1) FROM users
WHERE userid IN(
   SELECT userid FROM othertbl
)
ORDER BY userid DESC;

The steps to execute this query are as …

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Tales of the Trade #1: A day in the life of a MySQL instructor
The Ultimate Programming Language - LOLCODE

If you are a programmer, you, by definition, belong to the elite [awesome] human breed called geeks. If you know how to code in Python or Ruby, you might even think you’re pretty hot shit. But none of that compares in hotshitness to what you are about to learn.

Allow me to introduce LOLCODE – perhaps the most serious and, for some, cryptic, programming language. It is Turing-complete and uses an advanced compiler called Brainfuck (I’m still totally serious, and by the way if you’ve never heard of LOLCATS, then you’re not spending nearly enough time on the Internets. See the funny button that looks like a cross at the …

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My new favorite comic: The Adventures of Ace, DBA

I follow only a few comics in my feed reader: Get Fuzzy, Dilbert, XKCD, and now The Adventures of Ace, DBA. It’s kind of XKCD-ish, only it’s about Oracle and it doesn’t have the extra punch line when you hover your mouse over the picture. And it’s proof that a DBMS (even one I don’t use) can be pretty damn funny.

comics, humor, Oracle

MySQL 6.2 is GA, but 5.1 is RC and 6.0 is alpha

MySQL’s version numbering is getting harder and harder to understand. In fact, it’s getting surreal.

Let me state up front that there’s probably a lot I don’t know here. But if I don’t know, how on earth can the general public figure it out?

Before we begin, let’s define terms: GA is completely done, ready for use. RC is a release candidate: don’t change anything, just fix bugs because we’re charging towards a release here. Beta is possibly unsafe code, use at your own risk. Alpha is known to have significant bugs, but if you’re curious please play with it.

Now for the releases/versions game. Let’s recap:

  • 5.0 has version numbers that leapfrog each other in features and functionality. SHOW PROFILES — now you see it, now you don’t.
  • 5.1 has been “… released to general …
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Why Postgres is Superior to MySQL

http://pgfoundry.org/projects/pllolcode/ Do I really need to say more?

Google thinks I might be a nerd

… I’m almost insulted! Look at this!

entity relationship diagram, ERD, Google, humor

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